F-A-M-I-L-Y OUTING

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B-Mobile BPL Quiz

Makan-Makan @ Z-Family

Baby's first doctors appointment

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?

"Breast-fed", she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist", the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breastsfor a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know", she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

Wedding Test...

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if You want one last wild fling, just come up and get me". I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. To my surprise, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car

Tak sah kalau tak share sama korang..lawak lah beb

Amat, Daud dan Budin tersesat di dalam hutan sewaktu memburu. Mereka kemudiannya ditangkap oleh sekumpulan orang asli yang merupakan cannibal.

Sewaktu dihadapkan ke ketua puak cannibal, ketua puak mengatakan mereka tidak akan dijadikan sup dan dimakan jika mereka lepas ujian yang akan diberikan...

Mereka dikehendaki pergi ke dalam hutan dan mencari 10 buah yang sama jenis. Lalu mereka pun pergi la ke dalam hutanbersama2 beberapa orang asli yang akan mempastikan mereka takkan lari.

Amat kembali dan membawa 10 biji buah epal. Ketua puak cannibal itu kemudiannya berkata "Kamu dikehendaki menyumbat kesemua buah2 tersebutkedalam lubang bontot kamu tanpa sebarang ekspressi diwajah kamu atau kamu akan dimakan!". Maka bermulalah sesi menyumbat buah epal ke dalamlubang bontot Amat, SATU!!! jerit semua orang-orang asli. Belum sempatepal kedua disumbat, Amat sudah menjerit kesakitan, lalu Amat diikat dan diletak dalam kawah besar untuk direbus jadi sup.

Daud pula kembali membawa 10 biji anggur. Ketua puak menerangkan perkara yang sama kepada Daud. Daud merasa takdelah susah mana.Dari jauh Amat daridalam kawah mendengar orang-orang asli menjerit SATU!!! DUA!!!! TIGA!!! EMPAT!!!LIMA!!! ENAM!!! TUJUH!!! LAPAN!!!!,tiba-tiba Amat terdengar Daud ketawa terbahak-bahak.

Beberapa minit kemudian Daud diletakkan bersebelahan Amat dalam kawah besar."Weiii yang ko gelak apehal???... ko dah nak lepas tadi dah!!" bentak Amat kepada DaudDaud jawab "takleh tahanla beb...tengah aku relax2 sumbat anggur tiba2Budin balik bawak durian 10 bijik"...

p/s : Kalau tak de senyuman terukir mmg korang hati batu la..

Do'a malaikat Jibril menjelang Ramadhan

"Ya Allah tolong abaikan puasa ummat Muhammad,
apabila sebelum memasuki bulan Ramadhan dia tidak melakukan hal-hal yang berikut:

* Tidak memohon maaf terlebih dahulu kepada kedua orang tuanya (jika masih ada);

* Tidak berma'afan terlebih dahulu antara suami isteri;

* Tidak bermaafan terlebih dahulu dengan orang-orang sekitarnya.

Maka Rasulullah pun mengatakan Amiin sebanyak 3 kali. Dapatkah kita bayangkan yang berdo'a adalah Malaikat dan yang mengamiinkan adalah Rasullullah dan para sahabat, dan dilakukan pada hari Jumaat.Oleh itu saya terlebih dahulu MEMOHON AMPUN DAN MAAF , jika saya ada berbuat kesalahan, baik yang tidak disengaja mahupun yang disengajakan Semoga kita dapat menjalani ibadah puasa dengan khusyuk, diberkati dan dirahmati Allah S.W.T... InsyaAllah.

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al Mubarak

Semoga Ramadhan membawa keberkatan kepada semua dan mengukuhkan ukhwah yang terbina.

Sekali lagi saya menyusun sepuluh jari memohon maaf atas keterlanjuran kata dan perbuatan,
yang menyinggung perasaan saudara saudari dan atas segala kesilapan yang telah berlaku
di sepanjang perkenalan kita selama ini.

Bridex @ Jerudong...

Hai guys, come and try our latest Fire Fighting Jacket @ Bridex...

Meet me and the other fire fighter there and we will try my best to entertained u guys, when u visit our booth @ Bridex...

Our booth @ Dewan 2 or East Wing (E185) Booth.

Koleksi Gambar-Gambar Org Kahwin

A woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.. 6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

________________

Reply

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1 . Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1..0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Salah Tafsir...

Suatu pagi yang indah kat sebuah sekolah rendah, seorang guru yangbegitu dedikasi mengajar anak2 muridnya tentang betapa bahayanyaminuman keras kepada mereka. Sebelum memulakan mata pelajarannya pada hariitu dia telah mengambil 2 ekor cacing yang hidup, sebagai sampel kehidupandan dua gelas minuman yang masing2 berisi dengan air mineral dan arak.

"Cuba perhatikan murid2... lihat bagaimana saya akan memasukkan cacing inikedalam gelas, perhatikan betul2. Cacing yang sebelah kanan saya, akan sayamasukkan ke dalam air mineral manakala cacing yang sebelah kiri saya akanmasukkan ke dalam arak. Perhatikan betul2."Semua mata tertumpu pada kedua2 ekor cacing itu.Seperti dijangkakan, cacing yang berada dalam gelas yang berisi air mineralitu berenang2 di dasar gelas, manakala cacing yang berada di dalam arakmenggeletek lalu mati. Si cikgu tersenyum lebar, apabila melihat anak2muridnya memberikan sepenuh tumpuan pada ujikajinya."Baiklah murid2, apa yang kamu dapat belajar dari ujikaji yang cikgutunjukkan sebentar tadi??"

Dengan penuh yakin anak2 muridnya menjawab,

UNTUK MENGELAKKAN KECACINGAN... MINUMLAH ARAK...

Anugerah Pelangi 2008-2009

Dapatkan Borang Anugerah Pelangi 2008-2009 setiap hari di akhbar rasmi - Brunei Press (Borneo Bulletin & Media Permata) mulai 3 August 2009 hingga 31 August 2009.

Hantarkan borang pencalonan awda tidak lewat 3 September 2009, ke Pelangi FM.

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

New York City subway dispatcher Walter Garber's ordinary day is thrown into chaos by an audacious crime: the hijacking of a subway train. Ryder, a criminal mastermind, leads a highly-armed gang of four, threatening to execute the train's passengers unless a large ransom is paid within one hour.

As the tension mounts beneath his feet, Garber employs his vast knowledge of the subway system in a battle to outwit Ryder and save the hostages. But there's one riddle Garber can't solve: even if the thieves get the money, how can they possibly escape?

So to those yang alum meliat cerita ani... u guy mesti liat, sal syok, ia mengajar tani teknik2 to deal with people in 1 hour... hehehe

N-Joy watching.

1st August 2009

2008 - 2009

OFFICIAL RADIO STATION

OFFICIAL MEDIA

Boss and his Secretary

Boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down.

His secretary walked up to him and asked, 'Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your gate?'

Boss was not smart enough to understand, so he went back into his office looking a bit puzzled!When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his Zipper was not zipped up.

He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, then boss finally understood.

He then intentionallywent out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.

When he reached her desk, He said, 'When you saw the gate open did you see my BMW parked in there?'

The secretary smiled for a moment and said, 'No, Boss I didn't.All I saw was a Kancil 600 with 2 flat tyres.'

Boss went back to his office mumbling... kan ni ne......

Pelangi Artist Of The Month

NEW ADS DJ'S

Ingin Menjadi DJ?

AYAT2 AL QURAN UNTUK DIAMALKAN

Untuk elak suami/isteri dan anak2 bergaduh
Surah Al Baqarah - Ayat 102

Anak2 pandai belajar
Surah Al Anbiyaa'- Ayat 79

Anak2 lembut hati/ elak panas baran
Surah Al Anbiyaa - Ayat 69, Surah Al Hasyr - Ayat 22-24

Anak2 malas sekolah
Surah Toha ayat 1-5

Supaya Suami tak kawin lain
Surah Toha - Ayat 39 - mula dari tanda Jim kecil

Ayat pendinding
Ayat akhir surah At Taubah

Bagi anak2 yg suka keluar malam
Surah Ar Ruum Ayat 31. Baca 33x

Untuk jadi pendinding rumah
Surah Al Baqarah dibaca & tiup pd air , dan semburkan keliling rumah

1 MINIT UNTUK MENGINGAT ALLAH

Langkah 1 :
Sebutlah dengan sepenuh hati dan lidah yang fasih:

SUBHANA'LLAH
ALHAMDULI'LLAH
LAA I LAAHA ILLA'LLAH
ALLAHU AKBAR
ASTAGHFIRU'LLAH
LAA ILAAHA ILLA'LLAH,
MUHAMMADUR RASULU'LLAH
ALLAHUMMA SALLI WA SALLIM
WABARIK 'ALA SAYYIDINA MUHAMMAD
WAAALIHIWA SAHBIHI AJMA'EEN

Langkah 2:
Hayatilah sedalamnya akan makna ayat demi ayat, perkataaan demi perkataan

Doa perlindung daripada SELESAMA BABI - INFLUENZA A H1N1‏‏

Risalah Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia menyebut:

Soalan : Adakah terdapat vaksin bagi melindungi manusia daripada jangkitan Selesema Babi?Jawapan: Tiada. Vaksin influenza bermusim yang dihasilkan mengikut cadangan Pertubuhan Kesihatan Sedunia tidak mengandungi virus Selesema Babi. Tidak juga diketahui sama ada vaksin bermusim boleh menyediakan perlindungan silang bagi mencegah jangkitan virus Selesema Babi.

Jom kita amalkan doa ini yang diajar oleh Nabi saw, mudah-mudahan ia menjadi VAKSIN terbaik untuk selamat daripada Selesama Babi. Doanya ialah:

Doa Pilihan Pelindung Keluarga

Ajarilah anak-anak kita, diri dan keluarga kita dengan doa yang sohih dari nabi ini iaitu:-

من نَزَلَ مَنْزِلًا ثُمَّ قال أَعُوذُ بِكَلِمَاتِ اللَّهِ التَّامَّاتِ من شَرِّ ما خَلَقَ لم يَضُرَّهُ شَيْءٌ حتى يَرْتَحِلَ من مَنْزِلِهِ ذلك

Ertinya : sesiapa yang keluar dari rumah dan membaca doa " Aku berlindung dengan kalimah Allah yang sempurna dari segala kejahatan makhluk" maka dia tidak dimudaratkan oleh sesuatu apa pun sehinggalah dia kembali ke rumahnya semula." ( Riwayat Muslim, 4/2080)
Disebut dalam satu riwayat lain, nabi bersabda :-

فقال رسول الله من أي شيء قال لدغتني عقرب قال رسول الله أما إنك لو قلت حين أمسيت أعوذ بكلمات الله التامات من شر ما خلق لم يضرك إن شاء الله

Ertinya : nabi bertanya : kena apakah kamu ?Lelaki berkata : aku disengat kalaNabi berkata : sekiranya engkau membaca pada setiap petang " Aku berlindung dengan kalimah Allah yang sempurna dari segala kejahatan makhluk", nescaya dengan izin Allah kamu tidak akan ditimpa mudarat" ( Riwayat Ibn Hibban, 3/298 )

Juga sebuah lagi doa yang mudah dari hadis sohih:-

رَسُولَ اللَّهِ يقول من قال بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الذي لَا يَضُرُّ مع اسْمِهِ شَيْءٌ في الأرض ولا في السَّمَاءِ وهو السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ ثَلَاثَ مَرَّاتٍ لم تُصِبْهُ فَجْأَةُ بَلَاءٍ حتى يُصْبِحَ وَمَنْ قَالَهَا حين يُصْبِحُ ثَلَاثُ مَرَّاتٍ لم تُصِبْهُ فَجْأَةُ بَلَاءٍ حتى يُمْسِيَ

Ertinya : Rasulullah s.a.w didengari berkata sesiapa yang berdoa : "Dengan nama Allah yang tiada dimudaratkan sesuatu apapun dengan namaNya samada di bumi dan di langit, dan Dialah maha mendengar dan maha mengetahui" sebanyak 3 kali, maka dia tidak ditimpa kesusahan bala dan musibah sehinggalah subuh esoknya, dan barangsiapa membacanya ketika subuh 3 kali, dia tidak ditimpa kesusahan bala dan musibah sehingga petangnya" ( Riwayat Abu Daud, 4/323 ; At-Tirmidizi, 5/465 dan Ahmad ; Tirmizi : Hasan -

Mudah-mudahan ALlah menyelamatkan kita serta keluarga daripada azab bala bencana seperti selesama Babi dan lain-lain.

Wassallam..

Breaking news - First Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality

And we all know who gave it to him!

Ter BLOW pulak

Palui... mun ani d washroom bini2 di skulah bah, pasti ramai yg balik2 ke tandas pasal kan mencuci tangan saja.

Hahaha

A Mysterious Tree in NALGONDA - Andra Pradesh - India‏

At a glance you may be confused the above tree with a massive trunk with a 'Baobab' tree (which is renowned to possess the largest tree trunks of the world) but, this is yet another unknown specie which is seen in the close proximity of a hermitage deep in the dense forest in 'Andra Pradesh' in India.

Now have a close look at the bark and experience the unbelievable figures of creatures engraved in the surface of the entire tree trunk!! Absolutely real!!!

The World Flag

The Palace of the Sultan of Brunei

The largest of the Sultan of Brunei’s four palaces, Istana Nurul Iman, is indisputably the world’s largest residential and administrative palace currently in use.

The palace is used for all State functions. It is both the seat of Brunei’s government and the location of the prime minister’s office. In addition to Audience and State Rooms, there is a Throne Chamber used for various occasions such as the proclamation of the Crown Prince and the annual Birthday Investiture.

At 2,152,782 square feet (200,000.0 m2) the palace has 1,788 rooms, 257 bathrooms, and a floor area of 2,152,782 square feet (200,000 m²). Amenities include 5 swimming pools, an air conditioned stable for the Sultan’s 200 polo ponies, a 110-car garage, a banquet hall that can be expanded to accommodate up to 5,000 guests, and a mosque accommodating 1,500 people. The palace was built in 1984 at a cost of around $400 million USD and has 564 chandeliers, 51,000 light bulbs, 44 stairwells, 18 elevators, and 13 (exterior) satellite dishes.

Furthermore, there’s a mosque for 1500 people, a banquet hall for 4000 guests, air conditioned stables for his 200 polo ponies, and 165 Rolls Royces, aeroplanes and helicopters.

The palace and its upkeep are funded by the oil wealth generated by Brunei, as are all of the grand structures in the country.

And even though the price of oil may have slumped, Brunei’s wealth still make perhaps the place to live right now, especially if long-term security is what you are after. Even though the people cannot vote, they pay no taxes, education and health care are free, everyone receives a pension, and the minimum wage is the highest in South-East Asia.

On the flip side, however, given the world’s massive reliance on oil and indeed the extravagance, and greed that it fosters, the extremes of rich and poor that are its result, is worth questioning what true “Luxury is.” I’ll leave that for you to define.