Makan-Makan @ Z-Family

Baby's first doctors appointment

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?

"Breast-fed", she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist", the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breastsfor a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know", she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

Wedding Test...

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if You want one last wild fling, just come up and get me". I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. To my surprise, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car

Tak sah kalau tak share sama korang..lawak lah beb

Amat, Daud dan Budin tersesat di dalam hutan sewaktu memburu. Mereka kemudiannya ditangkap oleh sekumpulan orang asli yang merupakan cannibal.

Sewaktu dihadapkan ke ketua puak cannibal, ketua puak mengatakan mereka tidak akan dijadikan sup dan dimakan jika mereka lepas ujian yang akan diberikan...

Mereka dikehendaki pergi ke dalam hutan dan mencari 10 buah yang sama jenis. Lalu mereka pun pergi la ke dalam hutanbersama2 beberapa orang asli yang akan mempastikan mereka takkan lari.

Amat kembali dan membawa 10 biji buah epal. Ketua puak cannibal itu kemudiannya berkata "Kamu dikehendaki menyumbat kesemua buah2 tersebutkedalam lubang bontot kamu tanpa sebarang ekspressi diwajah kamu atau kamu akan dimakan!". Maka bermulalah sesi menyumbat buah epal ke dalamlubang bontot Amat, SATU!!! jerit semua orang-orang asli. Belum sempatepal kedua disumbat, Amat sudah menjerit kesakitan, lalu Amat diikat dan diletak dalam kawah besar untuk direbus jadi sup.

Daud pula kembali membawa 10 biji anggur. Ketua puak menerangkan perkara yang sama kepada Daud. Daud merasa takdelah susah mana.Dari jauh Amat daridalam kawah mendengar orang-orang asli menjerit SATU!!! DUA!!!! TIGA!!! EMPAT!!!LIMA!!! ENAM!!! TUJUH!!! LAPAN!!!!,tiba-tiba Amat terdengar Daud ketawa terbahak-bahak.

Beberapa minit kemudian Daud diletakkan bersebelahan Amat dalam kawah besar."Weiii yang ko gelak apehal???... ko dah nak lepas tadi dah!!" bentak Amat kepada DaudDaud jawab "takleh tahanla beb...tengah aku relax2 sumbat anggur tiba2Budin balik bawak durian 10 bijik"...

p/s : Kalau tak de senyuman terukir mmg korang hati batu la..

Do'a malaikat Jibril menjelang Ramadhan

"Ya Allah tolong abaikan puasa ummat Muhammad,
apabila sebelum memasuki bulan Ramadhan dia tidak melakukan hal-hal yang berikut:

* Tidak memohon maaf terlebih dahulu kepada kedua orang tuanya (jika masih ada);

* Tidak berma'afan terlebih dahulu antara suami isteri;

* Tidak bermaafan terlebih dahulu dengan orang-orang sekitarnya.

Maka Rasulullah pun mengatakan Amiin sebanyak 3 kali. Dapatkah kita bayangkan yang berdo'a adalah Malaikat dan yang mengamiinkan adalah Rasullullah dan para sahabat, dan dilakukan pada hari Jumaat.Oleh itu saya terlebih dahulu MEMOHON AMPUN DAN MAAF , jika saya ada berbuat kesalahan, baik yang tidak disengaja mahupun yang disengajakan Semoga kita dapat menjalani ibadah puasa dengan khusyuk, diberkati dan dirahmati Allah S.W.T... InsyaAllah.

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al Mubarak

Semoga Ramadhan membawa keberkatan kepada semua dan mengukuhkan ukhwah yang terbina.

Sekali lagi saya menyusun sepuluh jari memohon maaf atas keterlanjuran kata dan perbuatan,
yang menyinggung perasaan saudara saudari dan atas segala kesilapan yang telah berlaku
di sepanjang perkenalan kita selama ini.

Bridex @ Jerudong...

Hai guys, come and try our latest Fire Fighting Jacket @ Bridex...

Meet me and the other fire fighter there and we will try my best to entertained u guys, when u visit our booth @ Bridex...

Our booth @ Dewan 2 or East Wing (E185) Booth.

Koleksi Gambar-Gambar Org Kahwin

A woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.. 6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

________________

Reply

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1 . Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1..0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!